we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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