what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
