alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My ass is underappreciated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
