I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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