is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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