i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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