that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
