My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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