I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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