saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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