Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
being pregnant is like rehab
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
BRING THE BAGELS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
