They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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