then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
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you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing