I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
PS: I just woke up from my shower
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.