Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dating After Heartbreak
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy