the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
