I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.