Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.