Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
