woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
