after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
