the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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