Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
