and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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