Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
