So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
