Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
