so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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