time to smoke my breakfast
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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