marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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