dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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