Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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