my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Terrible idea I love it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
