At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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