bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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