So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
