totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
