My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
