i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
