Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
