you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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