he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
