I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
