You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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