I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
