The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
