If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
