I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
