You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
