Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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