well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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