I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
