ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
