we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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