Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
