I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
