there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
