No stitches, just platelets and will power
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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