how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
