So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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