you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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