the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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