Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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