We're facebook friends in real life
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
