i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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