saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
