Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
