But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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