Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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