So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
