It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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