He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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