heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
