Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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