My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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