You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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