Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
