chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
