Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
