i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize