Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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