my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
