everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
