I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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