dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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