just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
