The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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