my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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